I'm not doing it again...

Coming on the heels 2010 & 2011 where I faced a divorce, the loss of everything I held valuable, huge debts, and having to live in half a bedroom of a three bed semi detached house with five adults, three cats, a toddler and one bathroom, I thought 2012 was a pretty shitty year.

When New Year came, despite me seeing nothing of either it or Christmas, as they were all just days I worked through I as usual, I tried to be positive, even in the face of the horrible '13' that loomed in the very name of the year.

You know the drill. New year, New Start and all that jazz.

We are now just 19 days into the year and it's been awful.

My beloved 94 year old Grandmother, the last of my grandparents finally gave up her spirit to the heaven, and passed away ten days ago.

Since then I have tried to get time off work but have been unable to, because if I want time off I have to find someone else willing to work when I should be there, and no one would help.

Since then, the funeral has been arranged and because of a mix up at work, due to the absence of his boss, and a colleague who doesn't like him, my partner will be unable to be attend with me giving me the support I really need right now.

I've had to face 100 mile round trips to work in the snow, given up even more of my precious time by leaving hours earlier than I would do normally to ensure that I am not late in, so my colleagues don't have to stay on beyond their hours.

I have done all this while exhausted, because I've already worked over and above my hours for the last month.

I've been battling the onset of depression, knowing I am not far from the point that I will need medication, that if something doesn't change soon I will be at the Doctors in tears and begging for help. Trying to think of anything that I can to avoid being there again.

Then today I find out that we are all going to have to apply for our own jobs, and whilst I know I am one of, if not the, best at what I do, I am absolutely atrocious at interviews.

So today I am setting up this place, as my Place of Positivity.  I am not going to moan or whinge or complain here, I am only going to write what is good.

I am going to focus on the positives, however few and far between they may be, however large or small, and if you see me writing anything that doesn't match that view, please remind me about this post.....